Authenticity vs Integrity
http://www.danstorey.com/authenticity-vs-integrity/
Posted on August 9, 2011by
Lessons in life are a bit like buses! Sometimes you are walking around in a daze in the street and they hit you to remind you where you should be instead.
Recently, two particular buses have been going by with incredible frequency – let’s call them Authenticity and Integrity.
I’ll be the first to admit that I have not always been the most authentic and most integral person. I have certainly done my share of lying and cheating, to others, but even more damagingly, to myself. You see, you can lie to others and they might believe you. However, when you lie to yourself, it will never be fully believed, although you may be able to hide those particular thoughts for a moment.
Lately it seems that I have been presented with lots of challenges and situations that have reflected back at me the importance I place on both of these values.
Let’s begin with integrity, which has its roots in being whole and undivided. To be integral is to be at one, words and actions in alignment, thought and deeds one and the same.
Knowing what damage a web of lies creates, I recognise the anxiety in those I witness who try to uphold such a masquerade. It is truly a tiring task, as you are constantly trying to remember what you said to one person, and the other, and inevitably you find yourself in a situation whereby you have just told someone the exact opposite of what you last said to them.
I have seen people react in different ways when they find themselves backed into such a corner. Some try and laugh their way out of, suggesting that someone must have got their wires crossed and how funny such a situation is. Some try and charm their way out, implying that this misunderstanding is a small matter and that there are far more important elements to consider.
The situation I find most challenging is the angry denial whereby the deceiver trys to bully the deceived into doubting themselves. This is a sad situation for a couple of reasons.
Firstly, the person who is being lied to is made to suffer even more. Its isn’t bad enough that they have been lied to, know their very character is being attacked that they would suggest that the deceiver would be anything other than genuine.
Secondly, it further compounds the web of deceipt, with neither party really knowing what is the truth. I say this because if it happens often enough, the deceiver may genuinely forget what has happened in given situations. They will know that they are lying, they just may not remember what the truth actually is.
Given long enough, these situations always turn ugly, its the only outcome on a long enough timescale. The liar is hoping that the situation resolves itself before anything is discovered but these things have a habit of dragging out, mainly due to the deceived being unhappy or unsatisfied with the eventual outcome. Something tells them that the whole picture is not available to them, it just depends on whether they have the desire to discover it.
So let me ask you now – what part of you is separate from the rest? What have you been saying, outloud or inside, that you know not to be true? Where are you living a double life?
I suggest that now is the time to change. Now is the time to be open and honest with yourself and everyone else involved in whatever situation you find yourself in (although weigh up whether you need to address the past) so that you can move forward without having to worry about what you have said or not said. Accept that there are different sides to you and that those people around you who really matter will love and cherish you and not turn you or part of you away. It may be a challenge for everyone involved, but believe me, it beats keeping up the lies.
The other bus is Authenticity, which means different things to different people.
Not able to train properly this morning (the gym was flooded the other day so cv only!) I found myself listening to my ipod for longer than normal. I listened to the speaker talking about discovering your purpose and then following it no matter what is going on around you.
For me, this struck a rough chord, a bit like a punch in the stomach, as I took stock of my life. Whilst I might be contributing a lot, I realised this had not always been the case, and I also realised there was part of me that wasn’t being actualised. If you have that sickening feeling of lack somewhere in your body then you know exactly what I mean.
Knowing that I am working on something else pretty big (more to come soon!) my feelings were more a case of regret that I hadn’t come to my realisation earlier and that I wasn’t already further down that track. Thinking about it now I know I am exactly where I need to be, but the impatient part of me would like to be a couple of steps ahead.
For me, there is only one obstacle to authenticity, and that is fear. Now this may take its form in a number of ways, but I know how it shows up for most people…
Comfort!
If you are comfortable right now, if you have settled for where you are right now, then the chances are you are not being authentic. We tend to create lives that are comfortable so that we do not feel the need to do anything more, whereas if we were to only live a complete life following our purpose, we would no doubt find a satisfaction far deeper than any material possessions could ever give. I’m talking about the feeling of a good job well done.
Each and every person on this planet has a different role to play. For some, their only role in life is to help someone else acheive something great, but they do this with love and connection.
Recently I was reminded of the brevity of life after a friend of a friend passed away. Had she not loved him in the brief time she had alive (she died young) he would never have been touched in a way that relit a candle within him. Adversity for some gives others the chance of greatness… we are all interlinked, separate stories what weave together to create the fable known as life!
Authenticity allows the story to continue. Not being authentic brings a premature ending to certain chapters, either because they involve you, or they involved someone you were supposed to interact with.
I am reminded of a little story about a guy who goes to heaven and is stood there chatting to God when he says, “It’s one heck of a mess down there! You should send someone down to clean it up!” To which God replied “I did! I sent you!”
Take a look around you for a moment, and look beyond that into all of the areas where you have an influence. Now ask yourself “what am I here to do that will make the most significant impact on those people I come into contact with?” You may think even bigger than your circle of influence, but the question is the same. You may even add the following distinction to the question “… by doing what I love” and see what new answers you come up with.
As Howard Thurman said – “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive!”
For me, I am committing to being more authentic, and more integral. I believe it is a process, as the many different parts of us come together, as we accept all of our quirks and pecadillos for what they are, our character.
When I was in Paris last year I spent a long time just staring at the Mona Lisa in the Louvre, and one thing about that beautiful painting is how dark it is. In fact, the darkness accentuates the highlights or her face and of ‘that’ smile, adding to it rather than taking away from it in any manner. Accept the shadows inside you, as they serve a purpose. Once you discover that higher purpose, you will find it easy to integrate that part of you in a holistic and ecological manner.
I am aware that this may put a cat amongst the pigeons, but I am happy to act as that catalyst for you. Reading this might have brought up a lot of stuff for you, and I hope it has, because it is only when you confront this properly, once and for all, that things will begin to change for the better. It takes strength to face up to these situations, a strength of character rather than a forceful and bullying approach to life.
You have created the situations around you, and now you have the choice what you do about it. If you don’t change your actions as a result of reading this, then you are clearly not ready for this lesson, which is a shame as the very people around you who can help are about to disappear forever.
But if you have got it, and I mean REALLY got it, then there may still be time to resolve the situation, but it has to begin with you. For those of you who know what I mean, it is going to be ok, no matter how this particular scenario turns out. Even short term problems give rise to long term massive successes, so open your heart, communicate honestly and truthfully and lay your cards on the table.
I honour your strength and hope that you are able to share this with those around you someday! To your success!!!
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